There's probably not going to be a coup, but if there is, we can handle it.

Several friends have asked me, "Sir..."

Wait, I'm being handed an envelope. It appears that I am not Donald Trump, and can relate an anecdote without puffing up my ego.


In the past day or so several friends have asked me "Holy sheep, this news cycle is making me crazy, Mike Pompeo just declared a coup, how do I decide which things to be terrified of right now?"

First: assess. Are Joe Biden and Kamala Harris in jail? Is Nancy Pelosi in jail? Elizabeth Warren? Bernie Sanders? Even Hilary Clinton?

If yes, skip ahead to the last few paragraphs.

If no, breathe.

Then figure out what things are in your control right now. Mike Pompeo's big mouth? Not in your control. Donald Trump's temper tantrums? Nope. Lich McConnell’s phylactery?

If yes on that last one, drop me an email. We’ll talk.

Remember that adrenaline is addicting and getting people riled up and terrified and angry is what drives social media engagement. Go do a little more reading (reliable news sources and pundits whose chief source of income is not Being Terrifying, and go deeper than the headlines). Mute all those fucking twitter pundits who have been predicting the end of the world for the last four years (especially anybody who ever once claimed that Trump would cancel the election we just had) and maybe check in with the editorial page of the Washington Post.

If the headline at the top of the page says THIS IS A COUP and it’s signed “The Washington Post Editorial Board,” also a good time to skip ahead now.

Remember that Trump is a raging narcissist (I am not qualified to make psychological diagnoses, so assume that this is a vernacular use of the term narcissist) and he's in full meltdown mode right now and everybody near him is trying to appease him because everybody with boundaries is LONG GONE OUT OF THAT HOUSE.

Remember that Mitch McConnell thinks keeping Trump's base happy is the best way to win the Georgia senate runoffs.

Remember that Trump is a grifter, not a dictator, and right now people are still sending him money so why would he stop?

Okay, action points: If *you* have spare money, give some to the ACLU and give some to Fair Fight, because retaking the Senate is the very best means we have right now of restoring voting rights protections and getting some fucking justice in this life.

If you have Republican congresscritters who have not congratulated Biden/Harris, give them bloody hell. It probably won't help, but it sure makes you feel better.

If somebody is trying to force your secretary of state, lieutenant governer, or other elected official to resign over election results and said elected official is reminding people that the ballots were handled the same way they always are and that somehow Lindsay Graham still got re-elected, maybe look into that? call up their office and tell them that you approve of the job they are doing and it’s nice to see somebody upholding democratic values and doing their job in an ethical fashion in these sharply divided days. They’re getting yelled at a lot, say something nice to them. Even if they’re Republicans.

If you have any local elections--for school board, sheriff, whatever--coming up, vote Democrat. I'm an independent myself and I know it gribes but just fill in the damn bubble, these town and county level elections really do matter.

If you feel like going to a local protest in support of free and fair elections and in support of your local poll workers, mask up, hydrate, and make sure to stand on the side with the Gritty memes.

On January 20th at 12:01 pm: check to see if the military is acknowledging Joe Biden as Commander-in-Chief.

If they are, you can stand down.

(If Joe Biden et al. are in jail, this is the part you skip to.)

If the military are still referring to Donald Trump as the Commander-in-Chief at that point, we're in a new ballgame and a coup has actually happened.

First order of business: give some more money to the ACLU. They're gonna need it.

Second order of business: general strike.

Pencils down.

Nobody works. Nobody buys anything. Nobody takes their kids to school. Nobody loads fruit on trucks. (Somebody probably still has to milk the cows, because poor cows otherwise.) Nobody rings you out at the grocery store. Nobody drives the bus. Nobody answers your I.T. call.

Nobody does a damn thing except stand in the middle of the freezing-ass road and hold picket signs and sing WE SHALL OVERCOME, except for the people who are bringing soup to the people holding picket signs.

Mask up. Wear wool socks.

They think a covid lockdown is bad for the economy? They think they can fuck up mail deliveries from the top down and steal an election?

They have no fucking idea.

Roughly 75 million Americans voted for Joe Biden. Power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.