Well, I dunno about you, but at least for me everything going on in Our Nation’s Capitol (or Their Nation’s Capitol, if you happen to be from somewhere that is not the USA) is triggering the hell out of my “trapped in a relationship with a toxic narcissist that I vocally objected to and yet somehow here they are invading every aspect of my life” trauma. The funny thing is, I’d gotten so used to this feeling, and the intrusive ideations, that I hadn’t even noticed until the first week of November, when they suddenly went away. Now it’s all back, and I’m faced with the uncomfortable realization that actually, in general, I’ve done a decent job of processing my own trauma… when it’s not constantly being re-triggered by the alleged administration of the United States of America, ably abetted by a minority of Congress.
In particular, all the “I’m doing this shit just because I know it will upset you, for revenge,” posturing is just exhausting. It’s exhausting knowing that there’s no goal behind it, no policy, no hope for advancement of a cause. It’s all just acting out of narcissistic injury and garden-variety spite.
(As previously mentioned, I am not a psychiatric professional. Please assume I am using “narcissism” in the colloquial rather than the diagnostic sense.)
I didn’t miss the anxiety dreams, I tell you what. I didn’t miss the feeling of pressure on my chest. I’m extremely worried about the outcomes, while having a teeny bit of “well, I told you so.” How do those liberal tears taste now, you treasonous fucks?
I could be wrong, but I don’t think we’re going to see a full-scale armed revolution. I do think we’re going to see a lot of right-wing violence and domestic terrorism for the next few years. I desperately hope Trump faces some additional consequences that will cause the continued erosion of his sheen of invulnerability in the eyes of his followers. By letting him get away with all of his patently illegal and bigoted and abusive behavior over the past five years, the Republican caucus is absolutely culpable for the result: they contributed to his air of invulnerability.
As I mentioned on twitter I was hoping to finish this book last Friday. Well, it’s Tuesday now and still not done. Le Sigh. Fortunately my editors are kind.
Anyway, here’s hoping that any of the rest of you dealing with the re-injury of abuse right now are hanging in there, finding somebody to talk to, and that the world supply of tea, Xanax*, and whatever you’re using to get through holds out for a while.
Hang in there, baby.
*or your anxiolytic of choice